The knife, with its stainless steel blade glistening in the night, fit so perfectly into my hand, that it canft help but have belonged there. I was greeted by the apparition reflecting off the silvery surface with a smirk of delight, a smirk of mischief, of malice. My victim, lying helplessly across from me, pleaded with silent cries for mercy against the dreaded approach of the serrated edge. I walked over to her, took a moment to examine her smooth, firm skin, and picked her up effortlessly. Holding her with my free hand, I teased her a bit, and brushed the knife gently against her, before finally slicing across, breaking the skin with ease. I could almost hear a scream ringing in my ears, a piercing shriek loud enough to wake the dead. I didnft really, though - she was mute. She couldnft have made the slightest peep, no matter how much she wanted to. A splotch of red fell to the floor, momentarily after a thrust of my wrist. I smiled with satisfaction, as the cut revealed a flash of white beneath; but one was simply not enough. I cautiously repositioned the knife, careful not to disfigure her, and repeatedly sliced through her, now tearing off multiple chunks of skin and flesh. Some of the scarlet fell against the porcelain sink, and stood out like half-dried rose petals blanketing a floor of snow. Before long, my task was completed. She was now bare before me, stripped of all but the chaste white structure that had once lain concealed. She was finally rid of the impurities placed upon her. At last, she was ready. With a smile, I lifted her upwards, bent my head down a little, and took a bite. I would worry about the mess afterwards. She was such a pretty red fruit.
jie writes so pretty . . .
i canft stand you people . . . anyone . . . everyone . . .
ifve become so accustomed to the routine . . .
wake up . . . get yelled at . . . sit wait and listen . . . say nothing . . . hate self . . .
going to school . . . sit in car . . . get yelled at . . . look out window . . . say nothing . . . hate self . . .
at school . . . join group people . . . sit wait and listen . . . get forgotten . . . seem happy . . . give out candy . . . fake laugh fake comments . . . ignore self . . . bang head into something random . . . get laughed at . . . say nothing . . . hate self . . .
after school . . . break down inside . . . go to locker . . . get stuff . . . walk to peoplefs lockers even though they are not there . . . stand and wait . . . go find people . . . fail . . . get found . . . follow people . . . seem happy . . . give out candy . . . fake laugh fake comments . . . stare stare . . . stand and look at random things repeatedly for long moments . . . zone out . . . watch and listen . . . tears . . . say nothing . . . hate self . . .
get picked up . . . walk out to door . . . get scorned . . . go to car . . . get yelled at . . . look out window . . . watch scenery . . . sit and listen . . . let head get banged into side of car or window at turns and bumps . . . watch and listen . . . say nothing . . . hate self . . .
get home . . . eat little . . . get yelled at . . . watch floor . . . watch dog . . . miserable . . . watch and listen . . . wait . . . say nothing . . . hate self . . .
go upstairs and into room . . . drop bag . . . do homework . . . eat candy . . . work towards diabetes . . . hope to self to die . . . wish for leukemia or tb . . . stare at window blind . . . take shower . . . cry to self . . . hit head on shower wall . . . laugh at self . . . listen to water . . . spray water in face . . . say nothing . . . hate self . . .
go to bed . . . break down outside . . . try to suffocate in pillow . . . talk to nothing . . . laugh at self . . . stare at wall . . . donft sleep . . . yell at self . . . cut self . . . bleed self . . . hate self . . . cry self to sleep . . .
i've become a shell . . . what fun . . . this is great . . . isn't it ?
i love this life . . . because it can only get worse . . . for me . . .
i just love it . . .
XeresiuM: y yoo write "liar" on mai xanga?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: because i don't believe you
XeresiuM: y dont yoo?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: because i don't and it's not true
XeresiuM: y dont yoo think its not true?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: because it never is
XeresiuM: y cant it b?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: because they're always lying
XeresiuM: y?
XeresiuM: yoo think that
XeresiuM: ?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: because they always changes and them smack you in the face with something
XeresiuM: do yoo think i would do that?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: anyone would
xDoxAsxInfinityx: everyone else did
XeresiuM: y would i?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: i don't know it just happens
XeresiuM: do yoo thnk iwould?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: i don't make judgements like that
xDoxAsxInfinityx: i just expect somethings like that to happen
XeresiuM: would yoo expect taht from me?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: i expect it from everyone
XeresiuM: y?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: because they always end up doing that
XeresiuM: but wat if i dont?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: i don't know it's up to you
XeresiuM: so yoo still dont believ eme?
xDoxAsxInfinityx: i never believe in people anymore
xDoxAsxInfinityx: sorry
i hate myself so much . . . i can't believe i'm still here . . . i hate you people . . . but never enough . . . it doesn't mean i don't care or mean only harm to you does it ? hate is a simple|natural thing . . . hate is just . . . so much easier to feel and understand . . . than anything else . . . it's better than nothing isn't it ? or not . . . if you don't like m hating you . . . then just tell me and i'll simply|completely shut myself down on feelings with everything concerning you if you like . . . no problem . . . i hate how i can't believe you anymore . . . so sorry . . . so selfish . . . so stupid . . .
have you ever felt so low . . . and cried for so long . . . you can't even remember when was the last and why everything became the way it is ? or how ? i don't understand these things . . . so i guess it's no use in answering . . . just forget it . . . | 
